Ticking of the Moon
by random4ever
Summary: 12 hours, 12 phases, 13 events. The life of Remus J. Lupin as told corresponding to the moon. Rated T for hard-to-grasp concepts, and a lot of depression.
1. 12 o'clock

**A/N: So this one requires some explanation. **Bear with me please.

Imagine the clock as a moon, with each phase corresponding to an hour. (12=full, 1=waning, 2=waning, 3=third quarter, 4=waning etc.) Now take the 13 major milestones in Remus' life. Match them with an hour. (12=being bitten, 1=going to Hogwarts etc.) Note that the events match the phases of the moon, with a different, moon-affected emotion for each event. Are you still with me? Anyways… Each hour is one chapter, so **there will be 13 chapters.**

**THERE IS NO CORRESPONDENCE TO THE ACTUAL MOON PHASES DURING THIS TIME **(i.e. It's not a full moon on May 2nd, 1998, and it is one on 'the night'.)

Enjoy, and review please! It's a great motivator!

**Ticking of the Moon**

-12 o'clock-

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>The shadows are flickering,<br>Flashing in a timeless pattern.  
>There are little pinpricks in the velvet as well,<br>So insignificant.  
>The stars seem to be surrounding her,<br>Bowing towards her, worshipping her,  
><em>Dancing with her.<em>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>I wish I could join her.<br>What would it be like?  
>To dance with her,<br>To greet her,  
>To serve her?<br>There would be many doing that tonight.  
>Not just the stars, but <em>them<em>.  
>The ones Dad says are evil.<p>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>Would it feel nice?<br>To run around once a month,  
>Wild and free,<br>With nothing to stop you but the deadline of the sun?  
>Or would it be as bad as they say?<br>Could you truly have no control?  
>No way to know if you'd hurt anyone,<br>Or killed another child?  
><em>What was that?<em>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>There's something in the bushes.<br>Rabbit, maybe, or another animal.  
>It's big though.<br>Where are my parents?  
>Why am I not next to the tent anymore?<br>Did I not notice I was walking?  
>It's growling.<br>_Mom!_ I want to scream.  
>But no words leave me.<p>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>But now all the shadows seem dark,<br>And the stars are not as comforting as they were.  
>Something jumps out of the bushes.<br>I see long canines, and I hear barking.  
><em>Dad!<em> I want to yell.  
>Do I?<br>I don't know.  
>There's pain, so much pain.<br>_When will it stop?  
><em>_Why is there so much blood?_

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
><em>Why isn't she helping?<br>_I thought she was kind.  
>It seems as if I were wrong.<br>There's a snapping sound then,  
><em>My bones.<br>_When will it stop?  
>Why had I wondered what this life would be like?<p>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.  
>Her light is cruel now,<br>And I realize that her servants are her slaves,  
>Powerless to break free.<br>I gasp for air.  
>Her child leaves me, to where I do not know.<br>I barely even realize.  
>But I still see light.<p>

It's so beautiful, shining down on me.


	2. 1 o'clock

**A/N: Not one of the better ones, I had trouble with this. It was mainly because this was supposed to be a happy chapter. Again I proved to the world that I just can't write happy poems.**

**Thank you for the lovely reviews, they gave me the motivation to write this chapter.**

**Happy Thanksgiving!**

**Ticking of the Moon**

-1 o'clock-

I walk among them  
>And they do not notice.<br>I wonder how sometimes,  
>For am I not a character in their storybooks?<br>For sure _I_ would notice if I were one of them.  
>But perhaps they just don't have all the pieces.<p>

I walk among them  
>And they know I am different.<br>They see my thin body  
>And glimpses of my scars.<br>They know I leave once a month,  
>But always tell me to wish my mum better.<br>Sometimes they hear me scream in my sleep.

I walk among them  
>And I'm sure that one day they will figure out my curse.<br>They _were_ raised to notice patterns after all.  
>I wonder sometimes how long it will take,<br>Two years, maybe three?  
>I hope for five years,<br>My OWLs.  
>That is all I ask for.<p>

I walk among them  
>Wishing I didn't have to always be on my guard.<br>What would it feel like to be able to be myself?  
>To not have to hide my body,<br>And my mind,  
>From those whom I live with?<p>

I walk among them  
>But I can blend in now.<br>I've learned what to eat,  
>And how to act,<br>And when to sleep.  
>I feel less like an animal now than I did before.<p>

I walk among them  
>And I am thankful.<br>If it weren't for Dumbledore I wouldn't be here.  
>I would be at home,<br>Or at a containment center,  
>Or worse.<p>

I walk among them  
>And I take nothing for granted.<br>This is my one chance at a semi-normal life,  
>My one chance at a future,<br>My one chance at a decent job.  
>How could I risk losing that?<p> 


	3. 2 o'clock

**A/N: Review? Please? I had a bad day. :(**

**Ticking of the Moon**

-2 o'clock-

It's easy to forget sometimes, that I'm not a little boy.  
>My friends treat me like an equal,<br>Like one of them,  
>But that's because they don't know <em>me <em>is _us_ is _we_.  
>Me, myself, and <em>him<em>.  
>The wolf.<p>

It's easy to forget sometimes, that I'm not a little boy.  
>Not for long though.<br>Then the pain comes, and the sleepless, restless nights.  
>How do they not notice?<br>I share a room with them.  
>I leave once a month and come back looking bruised.<p>

It's easy to forget sometimes, that I'm not a little boy.  
>When I do remember I wonder how,<br>For we are linked with a tie  
>Stronger than an unbreakable oath,<br>The wolf, the moon, and I.  
>See, I didn't have a choice,<br>While they took their pledge with conscious thought.

It's easy to forget sometimes, that I'm not a little boy.  
>But when dinner comes 'round<br>I always need to mind the platters,  
>Made of the purest silver.<br>And during astronomy I always score perfect marks  
>On the questions about <em>her<em>.  
><em>My mistress.<br>_How could I not, being her servant, her slave?  
>I must do her bidding or suffer,<br>But I could never do what she asked.  
>I can't make anyone else a monster like myself.<p>

It's easy to forget sometimes, that I'm not a little boy.  
>But when I do,<br>When I catch my mistake,  
>It takes only one look in the mirror,<br>One glimpse of myself to remind me.  
>I can never forget.<p> 


	4. 3 o'clock

**A/N: Major problems with this one, even though it did end up nice and long-ish! It took me weeks before I was some-what satisfied with it. That, and I've had a ton of work for school. RnR please! I know you folks are reading this!**

**Waning Quarter**

-3 o'clock-

My world fades to blackness.  
>They found out.<br>My friends, no,  
>My former friends.<br>They cracked the code,  
>Put together the puzzle,<br>And now know all about me.

My world fades to blackness.  
>I feel my legs moving,<br>My hands are packing.  
>I've got to go.<br>Go, go, go-  
>Before they hurt me.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
>I feel their eyes on me.<br>Why are they still here?  
>Are they watching to see if I'll cry?<br>Or attack them?  
>Or are they wondering how<br>They hadn't noticed earlier?

My world fades to blackness.  
>Are they examining me?<br>I start throwing my clothes in my trunk.  
>I'll leave my books-<br>I'll have no need for them.  
>Shirts, shoes, socks.<br>I can't see anything  
>Because of the tears in my eyes.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
>I feel a hand on my arm,<br>But I wrench myself free.  
>Pants, boxers, coat.<br>Again a hand on my arm,  
>Trying to stop me.<br>I won't stop.  
>I don't want to be interrogated.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
><em>Remus, wait!<br>_No, they're just going to tell your secret  
>To the entire school.<br>It's best to go quietly.  
>How many people will notice?<br>Will they even care if, _when,_ I'm gone?

My world fades to blackness.  
>I slam my trunk closed<br>And fumble with the lock.  
>Why are they still standing there?<br>Haven't they anywhere else to be?  
>The tears are streaming down my face now.<br>I make no move to wipe them away.

My world fades to blackness.  
>Two hands pin my arms to my side.<br>I snarl and bear my teeth.  
>They know already,<br>Why not show them exactly what that entails?  
>I twist away.<br>No one can match the strength of a werewolf.

My world fades to blackness.  
>I pick up my trunk<br>And hear someone gasp.  
>I would too,<br>Most people can hardly drag their luggage.  
>I rush to the door.<br>It won't open.  
>I'm trapped.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
>No! Why did they lock me in here?<br>Are they going to torture me?  
>Why is our dorm so high up?<br>Even _I_ would die if I jumped out of the window.  
>Would that be for the better?<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
>How long has it been?<br>A minute? 10?  
>A half an hour?<br>Who cares?  
>No one cares about a werewolf.I drop my trunk and the lock breaks.<br>My clothes spill over onto the floor.

My world fades to blackness.  
>My tears have stopped.<br>They're still watching,  
>Astonishment on their faces.<br>I see now that it was Sirius  
>Who had grabbed my arms<br>Both of the times to stop me.  
>Of course it was he,<br>He's the one who knows most how I feel.  
>Of course he would be the one to try to stop me.<br>But what does it matter?  
>The other two care,<br>They haven't moved a centimeter.  
>I walk to the window.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
><em>No! Remus, please! We won't hurt you!<br>_I freeze.  
><em>Yes they will<em>, the wolf tells me.  
>I listen, and start moving again.<br>Everything seems to be happening in slow motion,  
>As if to drag this moment out into eternity.<br>_Remus! Honest. We don't care!  
><em>I stop again.  
>Why on Earth had Sirius said <em>we<em>?  
>He was the only one that might mean it.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
><em>Really, Remus! We mean no harm!<br>__Truly! We still want you to be our friend.  
><em>It's the other two speaking.  
>The tears start rolling down my face again.<br>_Why?  
><em>The words sound harsh to my own ears.  
>My throat is raw.<p>

My world fades to blackness.  
>They're lying,<br>They must be,  
>But I can't fight like a wolf.<br>Not against my first friends.  
><em>Why are you lying?<br>__No one cares for my kind.  
><em>I am a man most of the time,  
>A wizard,<br>Just as much as they are.  
>The world just can't look past one night of 29.<br>_How did you find out? Why don't you mind?  
><em>My knees give 'way and I grip my wand.  
>I would defend myself with magic,<br>With dignity.

My world fades to blackness.  
>My tears have started again,<br>Though now I'm laughing hysterically.  
>Someone grabs my arms again nevertheless,<br>And this time I don't care,  
>Though I would mind if it would matter.<br>It's Sirius again, always the one to defy his parents.  
>I close my eyes and<br>Wait for him to slap me.  
>Or maybe he would hug me,<br>If what he said was true?

_We don't care because you're still our Moony, Remus.  
><em>My world had faded to blackness,  
>But in the darkness there was a flicker of light.<p> 


	5. 4 o'clock

**A/N: Well, this one took me a long time to spit out didn't it? Anyway… I hope that you are all still with me. This one is exciting- Remus meets Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs!**

-4 o'clock-

I promise not to cry  
>The tears threatening<br>To overwhelm my composure  
>And make wet streaks on<br>My face.

I promise not to cry  
>In front of the eyes<br>Of the friends who strive  
>To help me, and comfort me<br>In the wake of an  
>Unspeakable evil.<p>

I promise not to cry  
>When they risk their lives,<br>And their friendships,  
>And prosperity, and influence<br>In order to help _me  
><em>A hopeless case  
>Just so that I may have<br>A life as a boy.

I promise not to cry  
>When I hear of the troubles<br>They went through  
>As they struggled to do<br>Something never done before  
>By someone of their age.<p>

I promise not to cry  
>As I see the fruits of their labors<br>When they transform into animals  
>My new companions<br>Unlike any others.

I promise not to cry  
>As I wonder<br>How hard it must be  
>To succeed in this task<br>And keep it a secret  
>From everyone they could boast to.<p>

I promise not to cry  
>As I lean down<br>And let a rat  
>Into the palm of my hand<br>And see in it the personality  
>Of I friend I held dear.<p>

I promise not to cry  
>As I stretch up<br>And marvel  
>At the beautiful antlers<br>On the head of my friend  
>And run my hand over his<br>Sleek neck.

I promise not to cry  
>As my knees decide to collapse<br>And I sit on the floor  
>And I burrow my face<br>In the fur now found  
>All over my friend's body.<p>

I promise not to cry-  
>But when they change back<br>And I find myself enveloped  
>In an embrace<br>I honestly don't give a damn  
>And I let the tears roll down my face.<p> 


End file.
